Know-it-all
by xNaixGarekix
Summary: A very brief cameo made by Cortana. After she 'died' saving John in Halo 4. She ended up in Piers' head. For some odd reason. Piers seems to keep spouting off random, various facts. Blacking out- not recalling what Chris only heard 'him' say moments before. What's going on, in that head of his? One of my more.. crack ideas. Hatched very late.


Piers shook his head- he felt funny. Though, no time for him to doddle. Chris needed a partner- with a straight head. This damned snake wouldn't die so easily, either. It would help if it wouldn't turn invisible every time the found it. He sighed, all of his teammates. Dead. Eyeing up the ladder- he ran over to it and waited by the controls "Captain! I've got the controls- keep it busy!"

"Whatever you're doing- hurry it up, Nivans!" Chris grunted, running around the perimeter as he distracted the large reptile, Piers had to be precise on his timing. Not wanting to zap- or kill his Captain.

"Judging by the velocity at which the creature moves it should be within distance in a 8.5 seconds. Though the electricity flowing through the conduit won't be enough to kill it in one burst, a few charges should do it in. The vital organs can withstand.. let's see. If I remember correctly." his hand was on his face as 'he' thought about it.

"Yes. Piercing the scale-like armor on the creature should speed up the process effectively." continuing on with his theory

"Piers! Anytime would be nice!" Chris grunted

"Captain?" Piers looked around, throwing the switch down. "Geez. I'm falling out of it." he shook his head, trying to steady himself- the snake crying out in pain as it was shocked. Breaking through some of it's invisibility, charred flesh and scales. Jumping down the other end, as it's speed increased- evidently aggravated at being hurt.

"You like games? So do I." Piers wore a cocky smile, as he ran around the perimeter beside Chris

"If you like games so much- why not _stay _down here and play bait?" Chris grumbled, as he ran matching Piers' speed

"If you'd like. Sure. I can take him down. Viperidae species are driven by pure instinct. When threatened- or if they believe there to be sufficient enough threat... there will be hit and run tactics. So as to 'thin the herd.' By the size of the creature, I can assume it's venom glands must be very potent. Seeing as it was able to subdue so many- and is still coming for more. By now it would have discharged enough- one would think."

"You like snakes- huh?" Chris asked

Piers blinked in surprise "Uh... _no_. What are you talking about, Captain?"

"You were just spouting off about viper snakes. Why do you know so much about one type of snake- anyway?" Chris frowned, going for the ladder/controls

"No idea what you're talking about." Piers spoke up

"Whatever you say- Nivans. Just don't screw with me, right now." Chris sighed, his irritation coming in clearly through his radio.

"...copy that.." Piers stared at the snake- it was gaining. How could he.. slow it down? _'Aim for the eyes. It will only be a minor set-back. But any advantage over this predator, is a good one. Be weary- it's speed will increase and as will it's vicious behavior. We are but 'guests' in what it considers to be it's 'home' don't let this be the end of us.' _

"Roger that- Captain." Piers assumed it to be Chris, he aimed his weapon and fired- hitting both eyes in rapid succession, strapping it back around his shoulder as he ran. The snake hissed, gaining more momentum. "Fascinating. I don't recall data entries with invisible reptiles." a cocky smile, as his weapon was drawn- precise shots into the freshly angry looking red wounds on it.

It only seemed to drive the monster on further. He ran past- hopping and grabbing onto the ledge while Chris threw the switch- burning it a second time. It hissed and 'jumped' at Piers, trying to take a savage bite out of it. "Shit. The powers out!" Chris frowned, looking over the gap- where another teammate stood

"Don't worry. I got it!" he called

"No! Don't! You'll be.." Piers reached out a hand, in vain- as the man plugged it back in "Used as a conductor- by the overflow in electrical current." he finished his statement- not in time as his comrade was shocked.

"Piers! Get ready!" Chris barked

"Yes sir." came Piers' bitter reply, as he let go of the ledge. Running around once again- hearing the slithers of the snake. He ran faster than before, adding whatever amount of strength he had left in his legs, as he jumped for the ledge. He climbed up, over the bars as Chris zapped it for the third and final time. It's mouth opening, as it cried out in pain, and died. Turning completely visible.

"Could have been better." Chris grunted, an edge to his voice as he climbed down the ladder

"Yeah. Almost getting killed- because you wouldn't help me _up _certainly didn't contribute anything to my 'lack of performance." he snapped back

"Can it- Nivans." Chris kicked the B.O.W. out of his way. "Killed my team." he glared at it, "Over here." from his tone, Piers just decided to follow in silence. Chris cupped his hands, Piers' foot in them as he gave more of a boost. Piers leaned over the edge, giving Chris his hand and helping him up.

"Come on, soldier. I got you." Piers tried to help him walk, as he was wounded. Chris was on the otherside, still brooding over something. Piers didn't care to know- what it was.

* * *

"If you've got a _problem__- _Nivans, just _say _it." Chris spat

"Because of _you _we lost so many men, back there! You're little vendetta with this snake cost those men their lives. Don't you _care _about who lives and dies? Or is this just some.. revenge scheme? Do we really matter? Am I going to die next?" Piers was beyond furious

"You think- for a _moment _I didn't care that they died? If we didn't kill the B.O.W. many more would have died. It _had _to go. Revenge scheme? Yeah. I want to deal with that _bitch, _Ada- repay her for all that she's done. I don't know _when _you're going to die. But it won't be here- and not now." Chris defended his choice, knowing he was right. And what was 'right' was almost _always _not popular bystanders never got that point across.

"You're acting strange. Not the Captain Redfield I remember." Piers was bitter, as they blew open the door- going into the narrow hallway

"Acting strange? Do you _forget _snake boy?" Chris punched the wall, as he glared at his subordinate "One minute- you're babbling on and on about some sort of 'plan' you make up. The next- you seem to forget everything and not know a clue about what I say. Yet- you call _me _crazy. The field is clearly getting to you, Nivans."

Piers didn't flinch when he hit the wall, nor cower. Standing his ground, erratic heartbeat.. adrenaline as he stood up to his long-time hero. "Crazy? Getting to _me_? You've sacrificed everyone- over revenge on Ada Wong! Dug their graves. We're all that's left now."

"They died in active duty! The way any type of 'hero' or whatever you call them- would _ever _want to! To be immortalized!"

"Yeah. I guess a guy has to talk tough- and pretend death, _doesn't _matter when he's earned the title and reputation as 'Partner killer'" Piers shot back- more pissed off than anything. Before- he would've kicked any guys ass just for saying that. But right now- in this moment.. he finally _understood _it. And why he earned it.

"Partner killer? _None _of my partners died!"

"Jill Valentine." Piers uttered her name- bitterly. "If you hadn't gotten all macho man on Wesker she wouldn't have had to endure all of that crap- for how long was it, again?" he knew he was getting under Chris' skin now. "She died everyday on the inside- didn't she? Knowing she had to be put through hell. Just so you could go on living. _She's _the reason you're still here! Sheva. Jessica!"

"Shut _up _about _Jill_." Chris hissed, baring his teeth

"Why!? Because- I'm _right _about her? Sheva- she nearly threw herself out of a plane just so your sorry ass could live another day. Jessica? She quit and went missing after the Queen Dido fiasco. Sheva quit the BSAA shortly after working with you. Jill? She's no longer active and in the field, either. So what I'm getting at here- is the fact that _you _are an asshole! Every partner you've had.. comrade that's fallen in battle. And you're being shitty about it."

It stung, momentarily breaking through to Chris. "Jill didn't die. Sheva- I _stopped _her from falling off the plane with Wesker. Jessica? I don't know what happened with her. She was just _jealous _of the fact that I loved Jill and not her. She was nothing- if not an obnoxious flirt. Pissed off, and quitting- because I _didn't _want anything outside of business from her."

"See? You're _ungrateful_. The reason you're still here- and standing. Is because of those women. Especially _Jill_. But do you care? Sending countless men to their deaths. Maybe I'm next. Or maybe I'm not, I don't know. But you need to straighten out whatever you're dealing with really quick. _Captain_." Piers ducked under Chris' arm as he continued walking.

They maintained silence, for the longest time. Both becoming aggravated and more furious along the way. The strain on their partnership wasn't going to help any.

* * *

"Fascinating." Piers touched the terminal, initiating the demo sequence of Haos' infection rate on earth "Not taking into account that an anti-virus could have been made and that others may be immune to infection, not as prone like the others. Foolish. Though I suppose with over 4 billion, and this being theoretical data- it is 'acceptable' yet not as factual." he frowned at it

"Nivans. Now's _not _the time." Chris grumbled, he and Sherry both had their hands on the levers

"You say that- but there isn't a time that I don't require proper data analysis. And. Disproving others work, is much more fun." he ran across by Jake. Pulling the switch.

"You jarheads- always bringing trouble with you." Jake folded his arms

"I believe the very reason that you're freed- is because of us. A simple 'thank you' would do nice." he folded his arms, with a smirk as he stared at Jake

"Are you _trying _to piss me off? I'll take you on- right here and right now."

"Silence, barbarian. I don't have time to enact such primitive cultural tasks." he took aim and fired. Killing off multiple B.O.W.

"Barbarian? What the- hell are you talking about?" Jake frowned, kicking a few off the platform they were on "Now- we're _even_."

"You're primitive. Always 'asking' for a fight. The only ones who do that- are fools and propheteers. Thanks. I owe you one." he added in the thanks, but sounded condescending and teasing when he added it

"I'll kick your ass- right here and now."

"Not sure if your companion would care much, if that were to happen." his teasing smile once more on his face, while he stared at Jake "Such progress. Fascinating how you choose one with polar opposites of yourself."

"Shut up! Before I _kick _you off this platform."

"You wouldn't do that. Because you'd only prove yourself to be as feral and animal-like in characteristic behavior. You wish to impress her. Get her out of here. Don't make a girl a girl a promise, you _can't _keep." he quick shot behind Jake, hitting the target in the forehead "It would seem. We aren't as 'even' as you'd like to be." he looked over at the sac

"You don't know _anything _you think you _do_." Jake grunted

"I _know _you have feelings for her. It's obvious, really. Girl and boy. Forbidden love. I've had my fair share of such ordeals. Though mine- was far more drastic in choice. Being as I could never _touch_ the one I was after. That is. Until my last moments."

"Last moments!? You're full on crazy. Aren't you?" Jake shook his head

"Idiots. Arguing with idiots." Chris shook his head in disapproval

"Jake's really great- when you get to know him. He just.. doesn't like you guys all that much. I mean. He hasn't been on the 'good' side before. At least. Not long, anyway." Sherry tried to defuse the situation

"I can hear them over the comms. Fighting like idiots." Chris grumbled

"Well.. at least they aren't.. getting _physical _or anything." Sherry laughed- out of concern mostly.

"I SAID. SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING ASS. BEFORE I KICK YOU OFF THIS DAMNED THING." Jake roared

"Still think he's a keeper, Sherry?" Chris asked, frowning

Sherry sighed "He's just.. angered _easily_." she explained

"Uh huh."

"Remind you, of anyone?" Piers asked over the comms channel

"Me? No. Shut up." Jake grunted "I'm _done _talking to you."

"Not you. I was talking to Chris." he smiled "So cranky. You remind me- of.. Ackerson." a biter-sweet smile on his face "That test- was tampered with. John and his abnormal amount of luck sure came through. I _do _know how to pick 'em." the last line caught Jake's attention

"Hold on. You- you're. Into _that_? Jesus Christ. Did I misjudge, or what?" Jake rolled his eyes "This whole time- you were probably after me, huh?"

"Get over yourself. I'm not attracted to you, in the slightest. Merely imposing my interest in this matter. That's all. 7 seconds of inactivity is an eternity to me. I need new knowledge. I'm an AI construct. Smart AI class. Thinking on my own- may kill me. But you seem to pose interesting data entries into archives I have yet to index. That's why I was questioning you. That's all."

"So. _Crazy _it is." Jake nodded

"You can ask me anything. I can answer it for you. Trivia keeps me focused, more so than anything. I don't have any data to monitor and just simply 'thinking' isn't cutting it for me. I need stimuli."

"Fine. Since you want to continue in being delirious. How long- til that thing hatches?" Jake pointed at the large sac

"The moment we reach the top, and this elevator stops it will begin to hatch. I suggest you and she- begin your escape. Survival rate for each of against- what I assume to be the same size- if not give or take a little. The surface area alone of it would suggest an immense creature. With very high amounts of potent viral strain."

"Get to the point." Jake grumbled

"Survival rate.." he paused a moment before looking up "Is an estimated 45.98% chance. Less than half or 50% due to the amount of omnipotence threatened by the poison within the creature. As it may or may not have weak glands that produce the virus. As it's incomplete through the incubation stage. And- there's no telling what is to be released within that 'egg' there."

"Ah, hell."

"Separate ways, remember? Take her- and go. The means to destroy it.. are here. This place- has the added benefit of being underwater. But also a con, as it could infect vast quantities of fresh water. A reliable, but not exactly renewable resource. Destroying the cooling features added in this facility should encase it, and prevent any environmental damage."

"Blowing this place up? I like the idea."

"John was said, he didn't _know _who was better at blowing things up. Him- or myself. You called me crazy. More radical than most. My fellow AI have addressed this. Fortunately for us both, I _like _crazy."

The elevator finally reached the top.

* * *

"You're no Gravemind. But. I'm going to pretend- you _are_." Piers smiled

"Nivans. I still think you've snapped."

Piers shrugged "You can think I'm rampant. But I'm not." he touched the terminal "If I were in the control room overrides would work. But it seems we have to destroy the creature before emergency exits are released."

"Not leaving- until it's _dead_." Chris said sternly

Piers nodded, before being swatted against the wall- Haos throwing a large object at him. Rolling out of the way- holding his head. "I WILL NOT. ALLOW YOU. TO LEAVE. THIS. FACILITY!" he yelled

"Well well. What brought this on? Concussion?" Chris half-heartedly joked

"That terminal. I'm going to divert emergency power through it- into the water in this room. Lure it onto the ground, and cover me. It's going to be one hell of a shock." he ripped off the panel, crossing wires. Pausing a moment, as the mere touch with technology allowed a 'connection' it took a few seconds, the dwarf in technology allowed for easier access.

"Ready to release charge, firing sequence at 100%. Waiting on your orders." Piers looked at Chris

"Now, Nivans!" Chris was standing on top a rubber container. Holding his hand out

"Firing sequence initiated." Piers jumped, grabbing Chris' hand as the massive jolt of electricity fired. The water and metal containers acting as conductors, frying the creature- still not dead. Just disabled. Piers took aim, shooting off the organs, it's howls of pain as it finally died. "Captain. That diversion of primary power forced self-destruct. We have two minutes to escape."

Chris nodded "Let's go."

* * *

"We did it. Out of there. But. I think you need a psychiatrist. Nivans." Chris smiled

"Maybe. Maybe not." Piers shrugged "I'm still. _Me_. I black out, periodically. But. I'm all there. We survived, didn't we?"

"Yeah. The partner killer didn't lose another one." Chris joked

"Yeah." Piers looked up at him, with a smile.

_"I suppose this would be the optimum time to announce myself." _a naked blue woman stared at him, with a smile. Her hands neatly folded.

_"Who in the.. what are you?" _Piers asked, blinking in surprise

_"UNSC Smart AI class. Serial number CTN 0452-9. Cortana." _she explained

_"So. I am going crazy, huh? Just.. great" _Piers frowned

_"Not crazy. I'm not entirely sure why I'm here. Either. One moment. I'm on the Didact's ship. Dying and saying my goodbye to John. The next. I'm here." _

_"So. You're why I keep blacking out?" _

_"You experienced rampancy when I joined you. Spouting random phrases. In some instances I had 'control' over your body. I'm sorry, but you two looked like you needed a girls help." _she smiled, teasingly

_"Well. Thanks. I.. guess. Still don't understand any of this." _

_"Just keep your head down- there's two of us in here now, remember." _Cortana quoted herself, her arms folded behind her back _"I don't know why I was transported here. Perhaps it was because of all those terminals. Though 'time-travel' isn't a feat that's supposed to be achieved. The composer- may have had a hand in this. It's said to turn AI constructs human." _

_"Constructs? AI?"_

_"Artifical intelligence. I was flash cloned of my mother- Catherine Halsey's brain. A construct merely means I was created. Smart AI's die after 7 years. I lived for 8. Turning rampant. Though. I'm beginning to fade. Out of this place. Your head. The last of my knowledge.. what I retained before my destruction.. I'll leave with you. To protect it." _

_"Huh?" _

Cortana smiled _"I don't 'remember' everything. My memory banks are missing some fragments. For now. They will return, to you likely as 'dreams'. I can't hold back my destruction. This is our first meeting, and goodbye." _she disappeared, in shards.

Piers sat in the helicopter, talking to himself. Chris frowned. Maybe he did have a bad rep for partners. Since now- Piers. Seemed to be a bit crazy. If not full fledged. In a minute, Piers seemed to pull through. Back to normal.

* * *

"What's this?" Piers asked, looking at Chris. To the document. Back and forth, "Discharge!?" he asked

"Your story-and. What I saw.. had a merit for discharge. Piers. You need time away, from all the fighting. It's clear that you've went a little... in the deep end. It's understandable. Happened to my sister before."

"Chris. I have _nothing _outside of the BSAA. No family to go to. Nothing to do." he held back tears. This is all he wanted to do. Be by Chris' side on his squadron.

"I know. Which is why- you can stay with me." Chris offered

Piers blinked in surprise "Why?" he asked

"It's my problem. I want to help fix it." Chris shrugged

Piers sighed blue woman. Discharge. 'Crazy'. This wasn't going so well. "You think I'm crazy."

"Piers. I don't know or not if you are. Come on. Go to my place.. you tell me your story or events. Whatever it is. Let's see why you're being called 'crazy' they won't tell me anything. So. You tell me, in your own words. I'll do my best to believe you." Chris patted him on the back

"Fine. I don't think you'd believe me- anyway." Piers stood up, and followed Chris to his car. Remaining silent the whole way there, and inside. Sitting on the couch, he began explaining to Chris everything.

"Well." Chris sighed "If. You _believe _that this.. woman or whatever is the reason that we survived. It's fine. Since you- or she whatever. Were the reason we survived." he tried to keep his cool. This was far-fetched beyond anything he heard. Though. He lived in a world practically overrun with zombies every other month. It wasn't _so _crazy. Was it?

"I don't _know _what to do now, Chris. Which is for some reason- I don't like not knowing. I _need _to think of something." Piers sighed heavily "All I wanted. Was to be in the BSAA until I retired. That's shot. I have nothing to do, now."

"You can be my maid." Chris joked

"This place- is a pig sty. I'd rather not." Piers wore a sassy smile

"Well. Sometimes." he felt Piers' stare "_Most _times." he corrected "I don't clean up after myself. I just. Have more important things to do. Deal with. Than a mess."

"I'd be pissed- having to clean all of this up. Jesus. Coffee cups. Dishes. Your dirty laundry.." he trailed off. Maybe _not _the last one. But. Still. "I can only imagine the bathroom. Hell. You should be on _hoarders_." he was thoroughly sarcastic, when grilling Chris still wearing that sassy smile

"Well. When did you gain a sense of humor, Piers?" Chris asked, with a raised brow

"When I turned 'crazy' met some blue woman or whatever. Then basically learned a whole bunch of random things."

"Hmm. Random as in..?"

"Too many things to say. I mean. It would take _days _for me to say. Literally. About.." he thought for a moment "5 days, 7 hours, 49 minutes and.. 35 seconds. Precisely."

"Smart-ass." Chris joked

"Dumb-ass." Piers shot back

"We're both asses. Hmm." Chris shrugged

* * *

"You're below average." Piers said with a frown

"Average?" Chris asked "I don't think so." he shrugged

"The most common size of a male pe-" Piers was spouting off again

"You're screwing with me, aren't you?" Chris asked, hand over Piers' mouth

"Kinda." Piers shrugged, his words muffled by Chris' hand.

"Are you _allowed _to fuck with your superior officer?" Chris asked

"Not my superior officer anymore. Since I was discharged. And discredited as 'unfit' by the army. Don't think anywhere would hire a crazy person."

"Isn't this the strangest. Post modern. After sex commentary."

* * *

Lol one of my crack ideas. Flame to your hearts content. I wanted some Halo x Resident Evil. Then threw in some Piers x Chris. Bahaha.


End file.
